Last night I had a conversation with a friend of mine about a mutual acquaintance. The third person is actually a good friend of his, and just someone I know because I know him. But I was discussing this person, and their life, in accordance with my philosophy (previously stated) of not letting people with nothing positive to offer in to my life.
This discussion dovetailed nicely with the talk I had with the married woman who was afraid to come to my birthday party for fear of causing her husband angst. (I hate that word), After we finalized the fact that she wasn’t coming, and that i thought her reason was stupid, I asked her what’s the point. What is the point of us knowing each other, or being on each other’s friends lists? She replied with:
Well, simply put, I enjoy having you on my friends list. I like seeing your posts and I like chatting with you from time to time. I think you are interesting. Those are things that are true of other casual friends of mine. I’m not close with 200 or whatever people on my fb list; there are a few I’m not positive I recall
I unfriended her after that.
I do not do “casual friends”. I do not need extra people in my life. I’m more or less “a place for everything and everything in its place”, when it comes to people. But last night a new light bulb lit dimly for just a moment, and I began to ponder whether my approach had merit or not. At this point I still think it does, but time may change that.
Anyway, my friend, in talking about this other guy, said, “He’s the kind of guy who you know is never going to do anything with his life. But if you need something he’s there for you, and he’s awesome at video games.”
Generally speaking I admire people who are there for you when you need them. And Lord knows, I respect people who are awesome at video games. But I have made it a general practice not to associate with people who are not going to do anything with their life. So the question I am asking myself now is, why?
There are a lot of paths to explore in the quest for the answer to that question:
Do they remind me of a me I do not like and do not want to be reminded of?
Am I concerned in some way that they will become a burden?
Do they make me feel guilty because I have achieved something and become someone?
Do they simultaneously compel me to help, and know at the same time that you cannot help someone who does not want it?
I don’t know. There are other things to consider as well. But I guess where I am at the moment is reevaluating my stance on allowing the people who have chosen epic failure as a way of life in to mine.
Complicating the matter is the fact that this friend of mine who knows this guy routinely expresses a philosophy over the headset that I agree with wholly. He says it to people who are complaining about trying and failing to accomplish something in-game. That being: